We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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