Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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