I wish I only lived at night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
