Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
