I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
