I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
