Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize