ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
