Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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