She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
