What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you win again, gameday.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
