I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
