I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats