so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy