question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty