420 ftw
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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