is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just forgot I was standing up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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