I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
