im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dear god my vagina.
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