He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
