Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
