anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
