I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
