You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
