Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Randomize
Follow @tfln