The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house