can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
