is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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