Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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