Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
