I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
