hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
