i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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