WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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