Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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