Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
