Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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