Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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