how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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