I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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