fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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