I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
