I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
