ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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