Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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