champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm too high and old for this...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
