Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
