I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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