Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
