I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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