Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
