if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
