You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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