mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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