exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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