matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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