the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we should paint friendship bongs
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