so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
