She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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