the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
