dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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