i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
