then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
