Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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